As I sit down to write this post on first loves, quite by chance the velvet tones of David Bowie have eased their way into my consciousness and soothed my furrowed brow. I’m listening to Now 1986, and Absolute Beginners is playing. I loved this song. I loved it so much, I bought the vinyl 12 inch. I wanted to spend plenty of quality time with David ‒ something the 45 single couldn’t deliver. In those days, there wasn’t a repeat button, and I had to get up from my comfy red chair to return the arm of the record player to the start of the disc to hear it again. I was up and down like the proverbial yo-yo. I didn’t mind. It gave me the opportunity to linger a while by my bedroom shelf and sigh over the black and white Bowie postcard perched there.
When Absolute Beginners was a hit, I was nineteen; the age Chris Frampton is when he first meets Vicky Paveley, in Follow Me, Follow You. Emotionally and physically, they are each other’s first loves. They know this because their love is that raw, intense, can’t-live-without-you love. The sort that stops you eating, stops you sleeping and stops you speaking about anything other than that boy, that girl, that person, who’s so part of your being, you will absolutely, most definitely, positively die if you don’t see them at least once a day.
Shortly after Gajitman and I became a couple, I was due to jet off for three weeks to Dubai to spend Christmas with my parents. The plans had been made long before I fell madly in love with this tall, gentle, IT man, and as much I was looking forward to seeing my family, the thought of being parted from him hurt.
Before I left, I took a photo of him, so I could keep him close at hand. Like my Bowie postcard, the picture was endlessly sighed over. Once in Dubai, I bought a frame, and Gajitman took pride of place on my bedside table. I spoke about him so often to my parents, my mum put a daily restriction on how many times I could mention his name. This makes me smile even now.
Gajitman and I were friends for a couple of years before love took a grip and gave us a good shake. I was twenty-six by this point, and (Gajitman and impressionable children in the James household turn away now), I’d been out with other men.
This brings me to the question: what defines a first love?
Is it those intense feelings you’re experiencing for the cute boy in your maths class who’s helped you understand probability? (What are the chances he’ll go out with me?) Is it the painful, ‘He doesn’t even know I exist but I love him madly’ obsession of a gorgeous pop star? Or is it when the recollection of the dream you had about that person, turns your stomach into Claudia Fragapane and somersaults across the room? If it is, then I’ve had many first loves, especially with those gorgeous pop stars.
This is the love Chris and Victoria share in their teens. There will have been other girlfriends and other boys, plenty of first hand-holding and first kisses, but this? This is the exciting, painful, wonderful, exhausting, totally absorbing love. This is the real deal. This is their first love.
I’ve reached the conclusion there isn’t a standard answer to my question. I think the only person who can know what it is that defines a first love, is you.
As someone who can spend days giving serious consideration as to what to write in a birthday card, words and their meanings are of great importance to me, so I know my first, true, romantic love was and still is with the only man to whom I’ve said, ‘I love you.’
And that isn’t David Bowie.
Can a first love last forever?
You save me and I’ll save you…
Victoria Noble has pulled the plug on romance. As director of the number one social networking site, EweSpeak, and single mother to four-year-old Seth, she wrestles with the work-life balance.
Enter Chris Frampton, Hollywood action hero and Victoria’s first love. His return from LA has sparked a powder keg of media attention, and with secrets threatening to fuel the fire, he’s desperate to escape.
But finding a way forward is never simple. Although his connection with Victoria is as strong as when he was nineteen, has he been adrift too long to know how to move on?
With the risk of them breaking, will either #follow their heart?